“Love sits on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside the dependence on separateness.”

Healthy relations require a fine balance of closeness and autonomy, offering and getting, personal and other.

As we battle to walking this fine tightrope, we possibly may believe less like elegant acrobats and more like pendulums swaying recklessly back and forth. When I think on my own personal passionate trip, we discover a trend: I got very near to previous couples, dropping me included completely, after which surfaced through the codependent haze terrified and self-abandoned.

“Never once again!” I would personally vow. “I’d somewhat feel by yourself than miss myself in a relationship!” So I’d spend a couple of months investing in utter autonomy —dating periodically, not getting attached, cardiovascular system under lock and secret—until my loneliness sent me personally inside weapon of another mate. Continue reading →